Dealing with Grief
I found Jesus because the answers people gave me about life didn’t add up.
I took a class on evolution in my early Christianity days to study the ideas, and I just couldn’t put my faith in that.
One of the best things about being a Christian is life tools. These last few months have been stressful, and it’s sort of nice to really be dealing with things and not need to pick up the phone.
When things hit a certain level I just go in and connect with myself and The Spirit. My grandmother has overcome cancer and a tumor but unfortunately there is another tumor, and nothing is working. I found out Valentine’s Day night that things had gotten really bad and the beauty of having a family that just believes what you believe could not be a better thing. Sometimes when dealing with grief, it’s just best to not have to be bothered with defending your religion. Having a grandma that fully knows she’s going to heaven is the greatest peace ever. Once the quality of life goes, it’s just best to pray and gracefully let go.
One of my friends owns a nursing home, and she’s watched people die for years because that’s just the way that industry works. One of the biggest differences she says in faith-filled and non-believers is the way they die. She says people who die with Jesus are ready because they know their eternity is secure and that in death, science can’t bring you peace.
I am also here to say this process is better with God. My parents, aunts, and uncles are so strong and gracious I couldn’t think of a better team. Also, the few friends that I shared with praying for my family and me means the world.
A local pastor lost his father to cancer a few years ago, and I watched him grieve, and he grieved honestly and vulnerably, and it inspired me. Because of him, I have been able to grieve with friends. One of my besties went through a divorce and being able to go through the emotions with her using what I was taught helped her heal and feel safe in sharing. I could not have done that without his messages on loss and the goodness of God.
Although I am still processing everything, the hardest part has not hit me in its entirety, and I am grateful. Here is what I can remember of the message and my own thoughts on grief and processing it.
- Heaven is real and no matter what anyone says if you have confessed with your mouth and you believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord you will go there (Rom 10:9). If you are not a Believer I get it, but for us, it’s a real place.
- Heaven is not a place where you sit on a cloud and worship all day. I have a Bachelors degree in Pastoral Ministries with a minor in Biblical Studies, and somehow I missed a lot of the verses on Heaven in college. It was refreshing to hear all the verses on Heaven. Heaven is warm, it is more beautiful than earth, and many scholars have taken the liberty to say that everyone has a place to live their fullest and best potential. There is more beauty there than is fathomable on earth which is the coolest thing. I wanted to experience things with my Grandmother but knowing that what she will experience nothing here even holds a candle to is a beautiful notion. I wake up singing songs that aren’t even in the world yet I try and quickly write down the words and beauty that I have dreamed, so I am convinced heaven is pretty rock star.
- It’s okay to cry. I HATE crying, but at the same time I am a crier, I am not the type of person that just needs a good cry, but when something hits me, it hits me, and I am crying. Let yourself cry; it doesn’t mean you’re weak it just means how you feel. Crying is okay if you are around people that aren’t “safe” step away and do what you need to do.
- Grief doesn’t have a time limit. If someone has lost someone and its 5 months later and they see something and get sad, let that happen. When my friend got divorced it took so much time to heal and she needed that. The last thing you need to say to someone is you should be over this.
- Talk to someone. There is a counselor that lives in my body. She wants to hear everything anyone is going through and equip people with the tools to be better and live their best life. SEE someone! I seriously don’t have close friends that I share my emotions with who are not willing to see someone or are emotionally mature and growing. I think there is a pride and lack of emotional progression that comes with not wanting to take counsel. These people are trained in human emotion and behavior, they know more than you do, get their help. The difference between talking to a counselor and an untrained person is the care of your feelings completely void of an ego. Have you ever been bearing your soul in pure honesty and the person corrects your word choice, well you probably shouldn’t say hate. WHAT? Do you really think the God in heaven got off is throne because Camille said hate in a sentence where she was frustrated. The worse thing in the world is to have your feelings corrected, counselors and emotionally intelligent people know when and when not to do that. Talk to a professional you’ll get further faster.
- Do light-hearted things. Get around people who just let you be and aren’t pulling things out that you don’t want to talk about. If you give a one-word response, they actually get the hint and leave you alone about it. I didn’t realize that this was a unique idea until I got around a group of girls who didn’t do this. Get a blanket statement together. When someone asks this, I will say this and change the subject, it alleviates the stress in the situation, because you can’t be completely open to everyone and that’s just the truth. Watch funny movies and shows and just let your brain not think. Superstore is hilarious if you need a pointless show. You can’t solve this and worry doesn’t actually fix the situation so just try to give your mind breaks.
I know its hard and emotions are everywhere, but you can make it, and you will be okay.